Tonight I had dinner with two good friends. What a gem of a night. Good food, drinks and discussion.
Our discussions took us all over the map.
Animals, faith, Countdown (duh), politics, funerals, the PA primary, foreign countries, travel, the Daily Show, work, retirement, friends, Sudan, dreams.
We started at 6 PM and ended at 8 PM. A treat.
Playing with adults after work.
A reminder that for the next four months, there is a possibility that this will not be repeated very often.
Not that I would not be sitting down to dinner, not that discussions would not take us all over the map, not that the food would not be excellent.
But it would not be these past two hours.
Thank you J & J.
I look forward to repeating it in September.
4/22/2008
4/21/2008
Withdrawal
Withdrawal.
I thought that last Sunday was a fluke. I did not go to Church.
I worked in the yard instead. There were and are a lot of things to do before I leave.
But then it occurred again this Sunday morning.
I woke with butterflies in my stomach and found myself not going again. What is going on?
This is my community. I will miss these people.
I do not want to say good-bye.
Do I actually publish this? Acknowledge that I am feeling this way. That I might just want to slip quietly out of “Dodge.”
When and why does excitement turn into anxiety? And, does it keep cycling around?
So to work through the guilt, I did “mission” stuff.
I completed my application for NY. Last trip it was passed over. Not required. This time, needed.
I wrote more thank you notes.
I cleaned, did laundry, filed. Butterflies remained.
Not able to ignore them, I went to the movies. Great escape.
The Forbidden Kingdom. Jackie Chan and Jet Li in the same movie. Fantasy replaces reality.
In the middle of conflict and strife, the protaganist is transported away.
Quickly, silently. No good-byes.
As I write this, I am watching baseball. On Sunday night.
Am I trying to get my fill of all things American? Entertainment in forms that I will not have access to in a few weeks?
Play Ball. Go Yankees
I thought that last Sunday was a fluke. I did not go to Church.
I worked in the yard instead. There were and are a lot of things to do before I leave.
But then it occurred again this Sunday morning.
I woke with butterflies in my stomach and found myself not going again. What is going on?
This is my community. I will miss these people.
I do not want to say good-bye.
Do I actually publish this? Acknowledge that I am feeling this way. That I might just want to slip quietly out of “Dodge.”
When and why does excitement turn into anxiety? And, does it keep cycling around?
So to work through the guilt, I did “mission” stuff.
I completed my application for NY. Last trip it was passed over. Not required. This time, needed.
I wrote more thank you notes.
I cleaned, did laundry, filed. Butterflies remained.
Not able to ignore them, I went to the movies. Great escape.
The Forbidden Kingdom. Jackie Chan and Jet Li in the same movie. Fantasy replaces reality.
In the middle of conflict and strife, the protaganist is transported away.
Quickly, silently. No good-byes.
As I write this, I am watching baseball. On Sunday night.
Am I trying to get my fill of all things American? Entertainment in forms that I will not have access to in a few weeks?
Play Ball. Go Yankees
4/18/2008
Making Lists
I'm back to making "to do" lists. I have not done this since my trip abroad in February.
History repeats.
But there are some differences.
I have already cleaned the house for my sister's visit.
Hire gardener, specifically to tend the gardens. Check
Hire lawn people. Check
Someone to stay in the house and tend the cats. Check
Transfer bills to on-line and arrange for direct debits. Check
Stop mail. Check
Stop newspaper. Check
Get airline tickets. Check
But there are some major outstanding items.
VISA - stuck in Washington.
Arrange for all my TV shows to be forwarded to Sudan. Dae Joyoung (Korean), Countdown, House, Comedy Central, LOST.
Buy cheap wedding ring at Kmart, leave all other rings home.
Visit Amy and pick up Solar Stove.
Arrange for Happy Harry's to open a store in Khartoum and Juba.
Arrange for Starbucks to open a store, with drive-thru, in Khartoum and Juba. Drive-thru will be perfect for Khartoum, not sure about Juba.
Arrange for Border's to open a store in Khartoum and Juba. I understand that English language books are hard to come by.
Need a Pan-Asian restaurant. I am not into the various ways of cooking goat or sheep and using all body parts.
Whiten teeth, dye hair, pamper feet, staple stomach.
Take everyone with me.
History repeats.
But there are some differences.
I have already cleaned the house for my sister's visit.
Hire gardener, specifically to tend the gardens. Check
Hire lawn people. Check
Someone to stay in the house and tend the cats. Check
Transfer bills to on-line and arrange for direct debits. Check
Stop mail. Check
Stop newspaper. Check
Get airline tickets. Check
But there are some major outstanding items.
VISA - stuck in Washington.
Arrange for all my TV shows to be forwarded to Sudan. Dae Joyoung (Korean), Countdown, House, Comedy Central, LOST.
Buy cheap wedding ring at Kmart, leave all other rings home.
Visit Amy and pick up Solar Stove.
Arrange for Happy Harry's to open a store in Khartoum and Juba.
Arrange for Starbucks to open a store, with drive-thru, in Khartoum and Juba. Drive-thru will be perfect for Khartoum, not sure about Juba.
Arrange for Border's to open a store in Khartoum and Juba. I understand that English language books are hard to come by.
Need a Pan-Asian restaurant. I am not into the various ways of cooking goat or sheep and using all body parts.
Whiten teeth, dye hair, pamper feet, staple stomach.
Take everyone with me.
4/16/2008
Sleeplessness
Awake at 3 AM. Cursed.
It is finally hitting me.
Two weeks from today is my last day of work and the beginning of my sabbatical.
Diocesan Convention is over. The auditors are in house. Yesterday, I met with the chair of the loan and grant committee. I prepared an agenda for their May 8 meeting. I will not be attending.
Next week, the chair of the Trustees. Their May 22 meeting I will not be attending.
Time is marching/running forward.
Yesterday, I received a phone call from the Southern Sudan Mission. This is where I sent my visa application. It seems that they could only issue visas if I were entering Juba first. (Thanks Emmanuel).
However, I am entering thru Khartoum and that means that the Sudan Embassy must issue the visa. She, Sunday (great name), was walking the application over to the Embassy. Their time frame 3-4 weeks. She will emphasize the need to expedite.
Last night, I had my send off dinner with Jackie. Great time. However, she is sadly excited.
Then home to stuff more fund raising envelopes. I thought asking for support would be easy. It is not. For others, it is a piece of cake, for me, not so much. I am humbled by the support.
Today, I will talk with the consultant who will work with the staff while I am gone. My replacement. Feels strange to write that.
Each task becomes something that I do for the last time, temporarily.
Saying good bye. My daughter. My sister. My friends.
Suddenly, I am reminded about Easter and the Resurrection message. The promise of new life.
However, new life comes with a price. One must first leave the old, even if it is temporary.
It is finally hitting me.
Two weeks from today is my last day of work and the beginning of my sabbatical.
Diocesan Convention is over. The auditors are in house. Yesterday, I met with the chair of the loan and grant committee. I prepared an agenda for their May 8 meeting. I will not be attending.
Next week, the chair of the Trustees. Their May 22 meeting I will not be attending.
Time is marching/running forward.
Yesterday, I received a phone call from the Southern Sudan Mission. This is where I sent my visa application. It seems that they could only issue visas if I were entering Juba first. (Thanks Emmanuel).
However, I am entering thru Khartoum and that means that the Sudan Embassy must issue the visa. She, Sunday (great name), was walking the application over to the Embassy. Their time frame 3-4 weeks. She will emphasize the need to expedite.
Last night, I had my send off dinner with Jackie. Great time. However, she is sadly excited.
Then home to stuff more fund raising envelopes. I thought asking for support would be easy. It is not. For others, it is a piece of cake, for me, not so much. I am humbled by the support.
Today, I will talk with the consultant who will work with the staff while I am gone. My replacement. Feels strange to write that.
Each task becomes something that I do for the last time, temporarily.
Saying good bye. My daughter. My sister. My friends.
Suddenly, I am reminded about Easter and the Resurrection message. The promise of new life.
However, new life comes with a price. One must first leave the old, even if it is temporary.
4/08/2008
Uncertainty is Certain
I am learning to become more comfortable with the unknown. Notice that I did not say "have learned." I am forever in the classroom on this subject.
On Monday, I read an email that came in on Friday about the logistics of my trip.
If you remember an earlier writing, I had finally made the decision to arrive and leave from Khartoum. I had not been able to get a definitive answer to my questions from those in Sudan. So I had taken the lead.
I was feeling quite comfortable "knowing" that I would have two months in Khartoum and two months in Juba, and a trip over to Kampala. I had a place to stay in Khartoum and was putting feelers out to wrap up housing in Juba.
Whoa. Now it appears I might be staying a very short time in Khartoum and more in Juba.
Or not.
The phrase Go with the Flow keeps popping up in my head.
And, the song Don't worry, Be Happy (thanks Mary Ann), by Bobby McFerrin.
And, finally Always look on the bright side of Life" written by Eric Idle and performed by the cast in Spamalot playing on Broadway. Fans of Monty Python will know that this came from the move The Life of Brian. Seeing the play last Friday evening has me whistling this during the day.
Of course, I will at times be playing downbeat songs from Les Miserable or something from K.D. Lang. (Judy can attest to that.)
However, what I am certain of in my heart and soul, is that it will be alright. Plans will work out. I will have a roof over my head and food to eat and people to be in community with.
Why? Because I am not in charge. I am putting my travel plans in the hands of a more experienced travel agent. Thanks be to God.
For certain.
On Monday, I read an email that came in on Friday about the logistics of my trip.
If you remember an earlier writing, I had finally made the decision to arrive and leave from Khartoum. I had not been able to get a definitive answer to my questions from those in Sudan. So I had taken the lead.
I was feeling quite comfortable "knowing" that I would have two months in Khartoum and two months in Juba, and a trip over to Kampala. I had a place to stay in Khartoum and was putting feelers out to wrap up housing in Juba.
Whoa. Now it appears I might be staying a very short time in Khartoum and more in Juba.
Or not.
The phrase Go with the Flow keeps popping up in my head.
And, the song Don't worry, Be Happy (thanks Mary Ann), by Bobby McFerrin.
And, finally Always look on the bright side of Life" written by Eric Idle and performed by the cast in Spamalot playing on Broadway. Fans of Monty Python will know that this came from the move The Life of Brian. Seeing the play last Friday evening has me whistling this during the day.
Of course, I will at times be playing downbeat songs from Les Miserable or something from K.D. Lang. (Judy can attest to that.)
However, what I am certain of in my heart and soul, is that it will be alright. Plans will work out. I will have a roof over my head and food to eat and people to be in community with.
Why? Because I am not in charge. I am putting my travel plans in the hands of a more experienced travel agent. Thanks be to God.
For certain.
4/03/2008
Surprises
I love getting gifts. Not because of what is inside, it could be empty. I love surprises. I love the unwrapping. I try to give the wrapping the attention it deserves, but I am not always faithful.
Yesterday, I heard from a voice from the past. A woman I used to work with at the diocese. What a joy to hear from her again.
Surprise.
She called because she read an article about my trip in the Communion, the monthly newspaper of the diocese. She was so excited for me.
We caught up on the fact that she was back living in Delaware.
Surprise.
Then she shared with me her own journey to South Africa. It was wonderful to hear the excitement in her voice. And, she told me the following story.
She had decided that she wanted to support my trip to Africa, in lieu of her returning. However, she did not know which "pot" she should take the funds from. She told me that last year she had purchased a new energy saver washer and dryer. It came with a rebate.
But the check had never arrived as of Sunday. So, she prayed and the check arrived Wednesday.
So this was the pot she was sending up to support the trip.
SURPRISE.
Yesterday, I heard from a voice from the past. A woman I used to work with at the diocese. What a joy to hear from her again.
Surprise.
She called because she read an article about my trip in the Communion, the monthly newspaper of the diocese. She was so excited for me.
We caught up on the fact that she was back living in Delaware.
Surprise.
Then she shared with me her own journey to South Africa. It was wonderful to hear the excitement in her voice. And, she told me the following story.
She had decided that she wanted to support my trip to Africa, in lieu of her returning. However, she did not know which "pot" she should take the funds from. She told me that last year she had purchased a new energy saver washer and dryer. It came with a rebate.
But the check had never arrived as of Sunday. So, she prayed and the check arrived Wednesday.
So this was the pot she was sending up to support the trip.
SURPRISE.
4/02/2008
What A Difference A Day Makes
What A Difference A Day Makes.
The version of this song, by Dinah Washington in 1959, has been playing in my head since yesterday. I can hear her voice so clearly. The words and music are by Maria Grever & Stanley Adams.
March 31 - more than a month before I leave.
April 1 - I leave in a month. What a difference a day makes.
I garden, a lot. My neighbors ask do I ever stop? No, it helps me remain sane. It connects me to God. The digging and planting, the feel of the wet earth in my hands. One plant, planted among others planted before, becomes a garden. A community.
In addition, the phrase April showers bring May flowers has always brought anticipation. The thrill of seeing that what has been buried rises again for another year. The garden changing from dormancy to life. Color. Home Depot's garden department.
Yesterday, the realization hit me that I will not see May this year in Delaware. The colors will be seen by the house sitter. And wet earth is traded for desert.
The anticipation for me now becomes: what new colors will I see. How is color brought into the desert? What new type of garden can be created for two months in Khartoum?
And, another reminder last night. Thunder storms in April in Delaware. The sound of rain. The sight of lightening striking. Sounds and sights I will not hear in another month. In gratitude, I turned the TV off, raised the blinds, and watched and listened.
And gave thanks.
The version of this song, by Dinah Washington in 1959, has been playing in my head since yesterday. I can hear her voice so clearly. The words and music are by Maria Grever & Stanley Adams.
March 31 - more than a month before I leave.
April 1 - I leave in a month. What a difference a day makes.
I garden, a lot. My neighbors ask do I ever stop? No, it helps me remain sane. It connects me to God. The digging and planting, the feel of the wet earth in my hands. One plant, planted among others planted before, becomes a garden. A community.
In addition, the phrase April showers bring May flowers has always brought anticipation. The thrill of seeing that what has been buried rises again for another year. The garden changing from dormancy to life. Color. Home Depot's garden department.
Yesterday, the realization hit me that I will not see May this year in Delaware. The colors will be seen by the house sitter. And wet earth is traded for desert.
The anticipation for me now becomes: what new colors will I see. How is color brought into the desert? What new type of garden can be created for two months in Khartoum?
And, another reminder last night. Thunder storms in April in Delaware. The sound of rain. The sight of lightening striking. Sounds and sights I will not hear in another month. In gratitude, I turned the TV off, raised the blinds, and watched and listened.
And gave thanks.
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