Prisons

Every morning on my way to work I pass by one of Delaware's men's prisons, zooming by in my yellow bird. I say a prayer to keep everyone safe that day.

Rain or shine individuals walk with heads down towards the entrance, where guards allow some in to work, others in to wait.

Separating people into groups. a process that starts when we are young.

Who plays on which team? Who is the last standing, unpicked?

Who is invited to birthday parties, who is left out?

Who has a date for the prom, who doesn't?

Who gets married, the job, the house, the kids, who not?

Separation is the thought that stays with me for most of the day, and brings me back to the time when I used to visit a young man sentenced to serve his jail time at that prison.

This is the only prison in Delaware that does not allow for actual physical touching between the inmate and the visitor. Instead, plexi glass separates the inmate from the visitor.

Would any of us return to the outside "normal" after being deprived of an affectionate touch? Not me. I love passing the "peace" in church.

In life, there is more that separates us than plexi glass.

Angry words or actions, miles of ocean, misunderstandings, time and place.

Sometimes we deliberately separate ourselves from family, friends or co-workers, withdrawing from that which upsets or angers or embarrasses us. Giving these feelings over to the darkness where they fester, taking on a greater importance than were originally meant. How easy that is.

How difficult to expose them to the light, to our family and friends.

I spent years separating myself from my high school friends. Too heavy, too embarrassed. The years I wasted not knowing them and being part of their lives. Dreading visiting my family in Florida. Bathing suits and beaches, two things I hated to have come together.

Yikes.

It took me traveling to Sudan, leaving behind mirrors, and finding non-judgmental love and acceptance, that I truly understood what it meant to be God's beloved, in whom he was well pleased.

I had separated myself from others. I had believed myself to be not worthy.

I did this. I alone.

In the darkness.