Withdrawal

Withdrawal.

I thought that last Sunday was a fluke. I did not go to Church.

I worked in the yard instead. There were and are a lot of things to do before I leave.

But then it occurred again this Sunday morning.

I woke with butterflies in my stomach and found myself not going again. What is going on?

This is my community. I will miss these people.

I do not want to say good-bye.

Do I actually publish this? Acknowledge that I am feeling this way. That I might just want to slip quietly out of “Dodge.”

When and why does excitement turn into anxiety? And, does it keep cycling around?

So to work through the guilt, I did “mission” stuff.

I completed my application for NY. Last trip it was passed over. Not required. This time, needed.

I wrote more thank you notes.
I cleaned, did laundry, filed. Butterflies remained.

Not able to ignore them, I went to the movies. Great escape.

The Forbidden Kingdom. Jackie Chan and Jet Li in the same movie. Fantasy replaces reality.
In the middle of conflict and strife, the protaganist is transported away.

Quickly, silently. No good-byes.

As I write this, I am watching baseball. On Sunday night.

Am I trying to get my fill of all things American? Entertainment in forms that I will not have access to in a few weeks?

Play Ball. Go Yankees